


silver deity of secret night

by drow



Series: the watchers of caed nua [1]
Category: Pillars of Eternity
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2019-06-13
Packaged: 2020-01-14 12:21:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18476143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drow/pseuds/drow
Summary: “I care about you,” Aodhan whispers, making him shiver and clutch the man’s wrist with such overbearing desperation that Aloth wonders where it even came from.





	silver deity of secret night

 

The Watcher, as stupid as it might sound, watches him sometimes.

Aloth can never understand the man, even though he acts like he does around the others. He doesn’t know much about him, other than what the others already know and see. He knows that his name is Aodhan, and that he is, as the man himself believes it to be, blessed by the goddess of the sea and that he shares nothing of his childhood.

He is a mysterious man. But kind. So, so kind.

It’s fascinating, really. A man like Aodhan to have that much kindness in his heart. A man who went through such terrible nonsense, a man that can’t sleep, a man that finds it hard, still, to step forward in their long path.

The Watcher watches him, yes, but Aloth finds himself watching him back.

The man is beautiful as much as he is mysterious, he thinks. With his blue hair and glowing skin. . . Aloth _wonders_. Wonders things he probably should not.

One night, however, changes everything.

It’s a night which isn’t really unlike any other. Aodhan is shaking and murmuring, and Aloth can understand that the whispered words aren’t entirely his own.

He places a gentle hand on the man’s shoulder, shakes him gently. Aodhan startles but is quick to calm down.

“Aloth,” he says, kindly, his already deep voice even deeper with sleep clinging to it. “I'm sorry. I've woken you up.”

“No, I was already awake.”

“Still. I apologize,” Aodhan grunts and sits up. “Please, you must sleep. We have a long journey ahead.”

“Yes,” Aloth murmurs. “Yes, we do.”

But, he doesn’t sleep. He can’t. He, too, hears voices that aren’t entirely his own. He shares a whole mind with another soul, after all.

Aodhan sees this, of course. “Come,” he says. “Let’s walk for a bit.”

They walk. Aodhan doesn’t talk much; he never does. 

“Iselmyr is quiet these days, I reckon?”

 _Ah_. 

Aloth tenses immediately.

“Ah, yes.”

Aodhan’s eyebrows furrow. “I’ve caused offense.” 

“No, no—I’m just. You know.”

“You tire of having to acknowledge that fact that you share your body with her—”

“It’s _my_ body,” he snaps without thinking. His face reddens instantly.

“Yes,” Aodhan says. He looks at Aloth’s eyes for a few moments, then turns his gaze back to the forest. “As I said.”

Aloth wants to apologize but finds he has no energy for it. “Let’s turn back,” he says quietly. Aodhan nods.

When they get back to the camp, the tense air around them dissolves a bit, though not entirely. 

Just as Aloth takes a step towards his bedroll, Aodhan calls his name, making him turn his head to see what’s the matter—he doesn’t expect to see Aodhan so very close to him, their noses almost touching. It’s so unexpected that Aloth stumbles a bit, but Aodhan catches him and places a gentle hand on his cheek.

Aloth. . . doesn’t know what to make of this, so he simply waits.

“I care about you,” Aodhan whispers, making him shiver and clutch the man’s wrist with such overbearing desperation that Aloth wonders where it even came from. Still, he can do nothing but stare as the other man glows, his light becoming almost unbearable in the dark. _Oh_ , he thinks stupidly. _It’s dark._

“Our—” His voice cracks. He clears his throat, “Our fire’s gone.”

“Yes,” Aodhan says quietly. “Though I believe my own light’s more than enough.” He strokes his cheek as he says this, with an incredible kindness; so kind that for a laughable, mad moment Aloth finds himself wanting to _cry_. He doesn’t quite remember the last time he received such consideration. Still. What a thought.

Aodhan leaves him standing in the dark. Aloth turns away too, then—shivering, _lost_.

 

 

**…**

After, _after_. This, whatever this is, becomes a habit. One night becomes many, and each day, Aloth feels his heart getting tighter and tighter.

These are nights with shy glances, making Aloth feel like a young scholar who has no idea how to deal with an impossible crush. Nights that make him think of gentle, fleeting touches on his cheek. Nights that make him think of a blinding light so, very close to him.

 _Gods_ , he thinks. _I can’t go on like this_.

One night, one of many, they drink.

Aodhan doesn’t seem affected by it, of course, since nothing seems to phase the other man but Aloth isn’t accustomed to these. . . _trivial_ things that men do. Still, he humors his friend. He drinks.

And, of course, he is reminded instantly that drinking is a terrible idea: “Do you hate being a godlike?”

And honestly. What a stupid, stupid, _stupid_ question to ask.

Aodhan does not get angry; he never does. He gets silent, even more so than he usually is, which is just worse and Aloth, even in this piteous state, realizes his mistake.

“By the gods,” he whispers, more to himself. “I am sorry. That was an unnecessary question.”

“Yes,” Aodhan says. “Yes, it was. But it’s alright. The answer changes from time to time. It’s usually a _no_ when I think of the moon, and its guidance to me, and a _yes_ when I think of my parents who abandoned me so easily,

“But,” he pauses, and looks at Aloth, straight in the eyes. He steals his breath and Aloth freezes, helpless, so undeniably entranced by this strange man. “But, I do not think of myself as an abomination. I _heal._ I _help_. I am no monster.”

Perhaps it’s a stupid moment to realize this, but Aodhan looks so good in the night like this, with his shoulder-length hair tousled and with his back more relaxed; with half of his shirt’s buttons open, making him see how and where the light traced his skin. He outshines all of the starts above them and Aloth. . . Aloth is riveted to his spot on the ground—drunk and sad and maybe, _maybe_. In love.

Aloth stands up, wobbles a bit, tells Aodhan to stay where he is when he, too, tries to stand. Up close the light that he emits is more forceful and blinding than ever, but Aloth doesn’t let that deter him as he raises his hand slowly, and strokes the other man’s glowing cheek—just like he had done to him, a few nights ago.

“I’ve never fallen in love before,” Aloth whispers to himself, his gaze unfocused, and his thoughts restless.

Aodhan kisses him.

It’s not a kiss that would be expected by someone like him, Aloth thinks. The kiss is hard, desperate, and Aodhan grabs his waist like he’s afraid he’ll disappear and Aloth strokes his hair, reassuring perhaps, that he’s here, that he’ll never leave.

Maybe it’s the inexperience. But the kiss leaves him breathless, scared. . . joyful.

“I thought it to be a curse,” Aodhan tells him, quiet, like a guilty admission. His eyes are closed, and Aloth already has a headache standing this close to him but _he doesn’t_ care. “To hear another soul and to whisper to another soul. And to feel much more than knowing.”

Aloth waits, patient. Aodhan places a wet kiss just below his ear, making him sigh. “Still,” he continues. “Against all the odds, I’ve met you.”

Aloth can’t find words. He opens his mouth, tries to say something, _anything_ , but nothing comes out. Instead, instead—he places a gentle hand on the back of the other man’s neck and pulls him down, kisses him with all of the nonexistent experience that he has. He discovers his body with nervous hands, and moans when the other man pulls him even closer until he is on his lap, grinding, touching, _feeling_. . .

 _To feel much more than knowing_ , Aodhan had said. Now, with his dizzy head and racing thoughts, he thinks of it as more of a blessing, rather than a burden.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading and hope you enjoyed it! and sorry if there are any mistakes, i'm not a native speaker and so i'm always open to criticism since i always look for ways to improve myself <33


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